Just the other day as I walked into my home, I thought about those crime shows. The part where the victim of a break-in never feels safe again in the comfort of their own home in particular. I don't know what brought about my thoughts on this. I remember wondering if I would be able to get used to living in a home again in this situation. I wondered about my personal strengths and whether I would have that fortitude.
Yesterday, the Ft Hood community became that victim. Every heart and every core was shaken. None more than those directly affected by the tragedy, but as a whole, the community walked through that door and found we had been victimized.
Left breathless and full of questions, the hours ticked to night, and then, a new day arrived. The community pulled together, some gave blood, some donations, some prayed, and we ALL carried on. Our house may have been victimized, but we have not been victims.
I am proud to be part of the Army family, and I am proud of how the Ft Hood community proved we have the fortitude to keep going.
The next time you are welcomed to "The Great Place", you will know that WE are what makes this place great.
Never forget.
Showing posts with label army strong. Show all posts
Showing posts with label army strong. Show all posts
Friday, November 6, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Time Traveler's Wife
I have seen the previews for this movie numerous times. Usually, I just think it looks like a good film to take in with friends for a girl's night out. Today though, I really gave thought to the story line. A woman who is in love with a man, who leaves for fragments of time, some unexpectedly.
I then realized how much military spouses have in common with this story. We live with "time travelers". I know for me at least, I often feel like my time with my husband is spent in fragments, pieces of time.
The time we have together is treasured. I find myself always doing what I can to soak up the warmth in those moments because I know I will need the memories to live through our lost years. Years... seems so unthinkable to most to spend that amount of time apart.
In one of the previews, Rachael McAdams's character looks at her husband and says "I never had a choice." I didn't either. This man, my husband, was put here on Earth for me. There is no doubt. There has never been a doubt about the graviational pull we had for each other. We twirled around each other's lives for years, crossing paths, barely missing each other. Unknowingly, being pulled into each other's orbit for a chance meeting at just the right moment.
I don't know how the movie ends. From the previews, the one thing that is certain, is the great love shared between the two. One that surpasses any amount of time spent apart. He aches for the pain he causes her, by leaving far too often, and she pangs from the loneliness and heartbreak of saying goodbye.
As for our story, I am sure my husband and I will continue to dance in and out of each other's lives. Living in the moments that we are together. Allowing the fervor to sink in, all the while knowing, soon he will leave with the stroke of a clock.
Until then, here I sit, waiting, for my "time traveler".
I then realized how much military spouses have in common with this story. We live with "time travelers". I know for me at least, I often feel like my time with my husband is spent in fragments, pieces of time.
The time we have together is treasured. I find myself always doing what I can to soak up the warmth in those moments because I know I will need the memories to live through our lost years. Years... seems so unthinkable to most to spend that amount of time apart.
In one of the previews, Rachael McAdams's character looks at her husband and says "I never had a choice." I didn't either. This man, my husband, was put here on Earth for me. There is no doubt. There has never been a doubt about the graviational pull we had for each other. We twirled around each other's lives for years, crossing paths, barely missing each other. Unknowingly, being pulled into each other's orbit for a chance meeting at just the right moment.
I don't know how the movie ends. From the previews, the one thing that is certain, is the great love shared between the two. One that surpasses any amount of time spent apart. He aches for the pain he causes her, by leaving far too often, and she pangs from the loneliness and heartbreak of saying goodbye.
As for our story, I am sure my husband and I will continue to dance in and out of each other's lives. Living in the moments that we are together. Allowing the fervor to sink in, all the while knowing, soon he will leave with the stroke of a clock.
Until then, here I sit, waiting, for my "time traveler".
Monday, June 8, 2009
It wouldn't be a REAL deployment...
In life, I have always believed that when you go through rough times, you are being tested. In my life, these "tests" seem to stack up one on top of the other the moment my husband's boots leave the house.
Less than 30 days into this monster deployment, and I have already had to prove my abilities in resourcefulness time and again.
My first real challenge came in the form of a goat getting his head stuck in the fence. Nothing is more fun than being scolded by a neighbor because I was in the house and couldn't hear the goat hollering. I guess that neighbor's walls are much thinner than mine. Of course this is the same neighbor who said he rang my doorbell. I was in the house and had nothing on but my computer. 10 ft from the door and I didn't hear the bell ring. Oh wait... maybe it did and I just tuned it out. Oh yes, and my kids, the ones that run to the door like a pack of chihuahuas unleashed every time someone knocks or the door bell rings, also had the audacity to ignore the bell. You know, it has always been my goal to leave one of our PET goats hung in a fence to suffer. (I say this 110% sarcastically.)
Anyhow, after a few more days of pondering what to do, I got it! (I did have some inspiration from another neighbor across the street! One that was a lot more understanding and HELPFUL!) I went to Wal-Mart and bought a wooden plunger for $2.17 and a roll of Gorilla tape. What on Earth could I be doing with this you say? Well, I cut the wooden handle in half. This made it the perfect size for a "goat hat". I taped the stick good, then placed it under the goat's horns, attaching it with the Gorilla tape to the horns. Now, my little goat looks like a practice roping bull. The cool thing, he can't get his head through the fence! Take that scolding neighbor!
I do have to mention here how badly I felt for the goat. When I put the "goat hat" on him, he didn't understand what was going on. He looked like an embarrassed little boy. He tipped his head, ran and hid in the shelter, and like a cat trying to get his collar off, scratched at the hat. I literally had to go into the shelter and pet and love on him to convince him that it was okay. His pride was so hurt. He just put his head in my lap as if to say "Why? Why do I have to wear this?" Now though, it has just become an extension of him, and he doesn't notice anymore. Sometimes in life, we have to do things to protect those around us. His pride is not nearly as important as his life. I would rather he look funny, than to find him sick or dead from being stuck in the fence in the heat of the Texas sun.
Adventures In Deployment Tests #2, A Newly Planted Tree
The only thing goats like better than grass, is trees. My husband and I had worked to wrap all of our new trees with wire before he left in order to prevent the goats from eating them. Well, one tree didn't get the posts it needed to hold the wire upright. For a long time, the wire simply being there was enough to dissuade them from attacking it. Not anymore! They are 20lbs heavier and better climbers. They figured out that they could stand on the wire, and mush it down to get to the tree. Ever try convincing goats to get down and stop eating... Let's just say, I learned where the term "stubborn old goat" comes from.
It is 8PM, the Texas sun is setting, the mosquitoes are biting, and I have to devise a plan to protect this tree. My kids were helping by corralling the goats away. After failed attempts
with twine and the ground being too hard to get tent posts into, I began looking for other "tools".
Now dark, we go through 2 flashlights...and the mosquitoes are STILL biting! Then, I remember the pop up tent toys my kids once had. The design is simple to understand, I need something to push the wire apart and keep it taught. POLES! I need POLES!!! It was time for a slow walk through my husband's garage. After all there had to be SOMETHING in there. He saves every spare piece of wood or craft he works with.
I FOUND IT! I FOUND WHAT I NEEDED! An old flag pole, and an old curtain rod. The idea was simple! Build an "x" on the inside of the wire, with the ends of the poles pushing against the wire to keep it strong and from bending in. What would I use to keep the ends of the poles in place? Well, test #1 had some leftovers. GORILLA TAPE! Voila! At least I thought...
The very next day, my cute little girl goat figured out that she could "shoulder" the wire over close
to the tree. So, yeah the wire wouldn't bend in around the tree, but they could push it closer to the tree. In essence I built them a movable ladder to get to the top.
What to do now? PINS! PINS IN THE GROUND TO HOLD THE WIRE IN ONE SPOT! Easy right? Where do you get pins at 8PM at night. (Notice how they wait until it is too late for a trip to the hardware store?) This answer was actually easier than the rest. I found some spare wire and cut pieces to bend into "U" shapes. I used them to tack down the wire so that it won't move. BRILLIANT!
Of course I am just waiting for the day that the goats figure out how to fly or sling each other over the wire...
The Refrigerator Test
A deployment wouldn't be a deployment without something expensive breaking. Saturday night, my refrigerator quit. I had just had a discussion with a friend about how I was praying it would hold until my husband's R&R at least. Apparently the fridge had other ideas. At 2 AM I am throwing everything I could fit into my husband's mini fridge. Not a whole heck of a lot fits in there by the way, but you would be amazed at how I
packed it.
Yesterday, I did go suck it up and buy a new one. OUCH! That was money I wasn't planning on spending. After coming home, and taking a nap, I got used to the idea and let go of my "money pains". (Those that know me, know I don't spend money well. Big purchases make me ill.)
I don't know what made me do it, but I decided to plug the old fridge back in. Guess what... the compressor was working again. WHAT?! I just spent all of that money, and the old fridge is going to work? NO WAY!
I have condiments and veggies in an ice cooler, and the fridge is going to work? What kind of a cruel universe is this?
My only saving grace was Google. I decided to look at parts for my fridge. I found that the "main board" needs to be replaced. For less than $200 I can fix this fridge. However, I have already ordered the new one and set it up for delivery. If I were to cancel it now, I would have to pay a 15% restocking fee. NO THANK YOU!
So my plan now, is to store the old fridge in the garage. I plan to save it as a post deployment "test" for my hubby. After all who doesn't need an extra fridge every once in a while?
All I know is being tested sucks, but in the same sense, they remind me that I CAN do this! Anytime I am tested and I come up with a solution, I feel stronger.
I know that I am not the only Army wife that is tested. I know that I am not the only Army wife that kicks the crap out of these "tests".
We are all way more than Army strong, we are Army WIFE strong, and we are PROUD of it!
Less than 30 days into this monster deployment, and I have already had to prove my abilities in resourcefulness time and again.
My first real challenge came in the form of a goat getting his head stuck in the fence. Nothing is more fun than being scolded by a neighbor because I was in the house and couldn't hear the goat hollering. I guess that neighbor's walls are much thinner than mine. Of course this is the same neighbor who said he rang my doorbell. I was in the house and had nothing on but my computer. 10 ft from the door and I didn't hear the bell ring. Oh wait... maybe it did and I just tuned it out. Oh yes, and my kids, the ones that run to the door like a pack of chihuahuas unleashed every time someone knocks or the door bell rings, also had the audacity to ignore the bell. You know, it has always been my goal to leave one of our PET goats hung in a fence to suffer. (I say this 110% sarcastically.)
Anyhow, after a few more days of pondering what to do, I got it! (I did have some inspiration from another neighbor across the street! One that was a lot more understanding and HELPFUL!) I went to Wal-Mart and bought a wooden plunger for $2.17 and a roll of Gorilla tape. What on Earth could I be doing with this you say? Well, I cut the wooden handle in half. This made it the perfect size for a "goat hat". I taped the stick good, then placed it under the goat's horns, attaching it with the Gorilla tape to the horns. Now, my little goat looks like a practice roping bull. The cool thing, he can't get his head through the fence! Take that scolding neighbor!
I do have to mention here how badly I felt for the goat. When I put the "goat hat" on him, he didn't understand what was going on. He looked like an embarrassed little boy. He tipped his head, ran and hid in the shelter, and like a cat trying to get his collar off, scratched at the hat. I literally had to go into the shelter and pet and love on him to convince him that it was okay. His pride was so hurt. He just put his head in my lap as if to say "Why? Why do I have to wear this?" Now though, it has just become an extension of him, and he doesn't notice anymore. Sometimes in life, we have to do things to protect those around us. His pride is not nearly as important as his life. I would rather he look funny, than to find him sick or dead from being stuck in the fence in the heat of the Texas sun.
Adventures In Deployment Tests #2, A Newly Planted Tree
The only thing goats like better than grass, is trees. My husband and I had worked to wrap all of our new trees with wire before he left in order to prevent the goats from eating them. Well, one tree didn't get the posts it needed to hold the wire upright. For a long time, the wire simply being there was enough to dissuade them from attacking it. Not anymore! They are 20lbs heavier and better climbers. They figured out that they could stand on the wire, and mush it down to get to the tree. Ever try convincing goats to get down and stop eating... Let's just say, I learned where the term "stubborn old goat" comes from.
It is 8PM, the Texas sun is setting, the mosquitoes are biting, and I have to devise a plan to protect this tree. My kids were helping by corralling the goats away. After failed attempts
with twine and the ground being too hard to get tent posts into, I began looking for other "tools".Now dark, we go through 2 flashlights...and the mosquitoes are STILL biting! Then, I remember the pop up tent toys my kids once had. The design is simple to understand, I need something to push the wire apart and keep it taught. POLES! I need POLES!!! It was time for a slow walk through my husband's garage. After all there had to be SOMETHING in there. He saves every spare piece of wood or craft he works with.
I FOUND IT! I FOUND WHAT I NEEDED! An old flag pole, and an old curtain rod. The idea was simple! Build an "x" on the inside of the wire, with the ends of the poles pushing against the wire to keep it strong and from bending in. What would I use to keep the ends of the poles in place? Well, test #1 had some leftovers. GORILLA TAPE! Voila! At least I thought...
The very next day, my cute little girl goat figured out that she could "shoulder" the wire over close
to the tree. So, yeah the wire wouldn't bend in around the tree, but they could push it closer to the tree. In essence I built them a movable ladder to get to the top.What to do now? PINS! PINS IN THE GROUND TO HOLD THE WIRE IN ONE SPOT! Easy right? Where do you get pins at 8PM at night. (Notice how they wait until it is too late for a trip to the hardware store?) This answer was actually easier than the rest. I found some spare wire and cut pieces to bend into "U" shapes. I used them to tack down the wire so that it won't move. BRILLIANT!
Of course I am just waiting for the day that the goats figure out how to fly or sling each other over the wire...
The Refrigerator Test
A deployment wouldn't be a deployment without something expensive breaking. Saturday night, my refrigerator quit. I had just had a discussion with a friend about how I was praying it would hold until my husband's R&R at least. Apparently the fridge had other ideas. At 2 AM I am throwing everything I could fit into my husband's mini fridge. Not a whole heck of a lot fits in there by the way, but you would be amazed at how I
packed it.I don't know what made me do it, but I decided to plug the old fridge back in. Guess what... the compressor was working again. WHAT?! I just spent all of that money, and the old fridge is going to work? NO WAY!
I have condiments and veggies in an ice cooler, and the fridge is going to work? What kind of a cruel universe is this?
My only saving grace was Google. I decided to look at parts for my fridge. I found that the "main board" needs to be replaced. For less than $200 I can fix this fridge. However, I have already ordered the new one and set it up for delivery. If I were to cancel it now, I would have to pay a 15% restocking fee. NO THANK YOU!
So my plan now, is to store the old fridge in the garage. I plan to save it as a post deployment "test" for my hubby. After all who doesn't need an extra fridge every once in a while?
All I know is being tested sucks, but in the same sense, they remind me that I CAN do this! Anytime I am tested and I come up with a solution, I feel stronger.
I know that I am not the only Army wife that is tested. I know that I am not the only Army wife that kicks the crap out of these "tests".
We are all way more than Army strong, we are Army WIFE strong, and we are PROUD of it!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
To be or not to be...
"SEASONED"
What does it mean to be a seasoned spouse? The Army definition is spouses of 5 or more years of experience as an Army spouse.
When I think back to the beginning of my 12 years as an Army spouse, I find humor in this labeling. You see, when you first marry into the Army, it is VERY much like being thrown into a frying pan. You go in all raw and fresh like a newly cut chicken breast. Then as the butter around you begins to heat up, otherwise known as Army life, you might get a little sprinkle of salt and pepper. (Oh who am I kidding? You WILL get salt and peppered!) The salt and pepper in this case would be some form of "life lesson" in the Army.
Simple seasonings might be dealing with housing, figuring out what all of the acronyms stand for, learning to read your soldier's LES, etc. As the recipe progresses, spices get heavier and more intense. Throw in some cayenne pepper, or in this case, deployments. Not hot enough? Add some jalapeno peppers, a.k.a. things that will inevitably go wrong or break the moment your soldier leaves.
Now, the key to this recipe and becoming fully seasoned to so called "perfection" is learning to balance the spices. This means learning how to handle everything that is thrown at you. This job, because regardless of what outsiders might say, it is a job, requires a great amount of self assurance. There is no room for self doubt.
You can't just call your soldier every time you come up against a jalapeno pepper! As a seasoned spouse, I find that there is no room for a weak stomach. My best advice, have TUMS on hand, because the only sure thing in this life is LOTS of spice!
Bon Appetit!
What does it mean to be a seasoned spouse? The Army definition is spouses of 5 or more years of experience as an Army spouse.
When I think back to the beginning of my 12 years as an Army spouse, I find humor in this labeling. You see, when you first marry into the Army, it is VERY much like being thrown into a frying pan. You go in all raw and fresh like a newly cut chicken breast. Then as the butter around you begins to heat up, otherwise known as Army life, you might get a little sprinkle of salt and pepper. (Oh who am I kidding? You WILL get salt and peppered!) The salt and pepper in this case would be some form of "life lesson" in the Army.
Simple seasonings might be dealing with housing, figuring out what all of the acronyms stand for, learning to read your soldier's LES, etc. As the recipe progresses, spices get heavier and more intense. Throw in some cayenne pepper, or in this case, deployments. Not hot enough? Add some jalapeno peppers, a.k.a. things that will inevitably go wrong or break the moment your soldier leaves.
Now, the key to this recipe and becoming fully seasoned to so called "perfection" is learning to balance the spices. This means learning how to handle everything that is thrown at you. This job, because regardless of what outsiders might say, it is a job, requires a great amount of self assurance. There is no room for self doubt.
You can't just call your soldier every time you come up against a jalapeno pepper! As a seasoned spouse, I find that there is no room for a weak stomach. My best advice, have TUMS on hand, because the only sure thing in this life is LOTS of spice!
Bon Appetit!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
What would you ask for?
Yesterday was my husband's 37th birthday. I have been his wife for nearly 12 years now. I have known and loved this man since he was 25. (WHERE HAS TIME GONE?) We have spent moments together that nothing I could ever imagine could take the place of. Just simple moments, that to others might seem small and silly. To me, those matter so much more than the bigger moments people strive to have. The ones they make movies about.
Our movie would start out as a cliche, with a heated kiss on a back road. One that I wasn't expecting, but would never trade. People often think that life changing moment will happen in a place that is planned and perfect. Often more times than not, girls dream that moment occurs at the alter as they wed. I never had that dream, but I never knew what anyone meant when they said "you will know" either.
That statement seems so vague. You will know what? How will you know, and what am I supposed to know? Let's not forget that my parents didn't seem to actually know the very thing that I was eventually going to know. Talk about CONFUSING!
I don't recall the date, I do recall it was night, and it was summer. I remember being lifted onto the hood of the truck, and I remember the moment he leaned in and kissed me. I had NEVER felt that feeling. I had my fair share of kisses before, but no one made everything stand still like his kiss did.
From that one simple moment, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Every moment of my day was spent thinking about him. As soon as I could find free time, I just wanted to be with him. It didn't matter if he was mowing a yard, changing oil in his truck, whatever. Just so long as I could be close enough to feel his presence. (This is what I was going to know.)
That is what I miss when he is deployed more than anything. I miss just knowing he is here. I miss walking into a room, and being able to tell he was just in there. I miss how the bathroom smells of his body wash fresh after his shower. I miss having him sitting on the couch next to me as we suffer through another one of my terrible picks in rentals. (In all fairness, we have suffered through PLENTY of his poor picks as well.)
Those little moments are what I hate to say goodbye too. As I hear the footsteps of this deployment marching ever so close, I dread missing out on those moments most.
To people outside this lifestyle, they think it is all about just missing a year with someone you love. Granted that is not an easy thing to do, but it is so much deeper than that.
We all live one life. We all have so much time in our lifetime. I can't help but resent losing valuable time meant to be spent together, by spending it apart. I can't help but think about all of those small moments we won't have because of distance and war.
I love my husband. I am so very proud of my husband and his dedication to not only our family, but to our country. A soldier is who he is, and always has been. I would never and have never asked him for anything less.
If I were to ask for anything, I would just ask for time to be added on to our lives, so that all of the moments we have missed and will miss due to separation, can be lived and shared in the end.
Our movie would start out as a cliche, with a heated kiss on a back road. One that I wasn't expecting, but would never trade. People often think that life changing moment will happen in a place that is planned and perfect. Often more times than not, girls dream that moment occurs at the alter as they wed. I never had that dream, but I never knew what anyone meant when they said "you will know" either.
That statement seems so vague. You will know what? How will you know, and what am I supposed to know? Let's not forget that my parents didn't seem to actually know the very thing that I was eventually going to know. Talk about CONFUSING!
I don't recall the date, I do recall it was night, and it was summer. I remember being lifted onto the hood of the truck, and I remember the moment he leaned in and kissed me. I had NEVER felt that feeling. I had my fair share of kisses before, but no one made everything stand still like his kiss did.
From that one simple moment, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Every moment of my day was spent thinking about him. As soon as I could find free time, I just wanted to be with him. It didn't matter if he was mowing a yard, changing oil in his truck, whatever. Just so long as I could be close enough to feel his presence. (This is what I was going to know.)
That is what I miss when he is deployed more than anything. I miss just knowing he is here. I miss walking into a room, and being able to tell he was just in there. I miss how the bathroom smells of his body wash fresh after his shower. I miss having him sitting on the couch next to me as we suffer through another one of my terrible picks in rentals. (In all fairness, we have suffered through PLENTY of his poor picks as well.)
Those little moments are what I hate to say goodbye too. As I hear the footsteps of this deployment marching ever so close, I dread missing out on those moments most.
To people outside this lifestyle, they think it is all about just missing a year with someone you love. Granted that is not an easy thing to do, but it is so much deeper than that.
We all live one life. We all have so much time in our lifetime. I can't help but resent losing valuable time meant to be spent together, by spending it apart. I can't help but think about all of those small moments we won't have because of distance and war.
I love my husband. I am so very proud of my husband and his dedication to not only our family, but to our country. A soldier is who he is, and always has been. I would never and have never asked him for anything less.
If I were to ask for anything, I would just ask for time to be added on to our lives, so that all of the moments we have missed and will miss due to separation, can be lived and shared in the end.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Counting...
Every tick of the clock, not the minute hand, the second hand. Tick...tick...tick.
How can something so small and softly spoken scream at you in such a loud voice? With every tick of that damn clock, heartbreak creeps a little closer.
Soon, it will be time to say goodbye again. I am just not sure I am ready for it. I feel very much like a child awaiting that dreaded shot their mom is making them get. Soothing words from loved ones all around me... "Don't worry...you can do this." Sure, I can. I get that, because frankly, what other choice do I have? Crying, pitching a fit, all of those things I WANT to do, won't do a damn bit of good. The deployment monster is still headed straight for me.
So, I do what Army wives do. I suck it up, pull myself up by the boot straps, and drive on. I put on my "brave mommy face" for my kids. I tell them the same well meaning things I hear from everyone around me. "We can do this! We did this before, we can do this again!"
It isn't that words of encouragement aren't appreciated. They provide a certain sense of "YES I CAN" to my gut, but my heart is throwing a 2 yr. old's temper tantrum at the same time. I CAN do this, but I don't WANT to do this!
Okay, so I don't want to do this. That means what to the Army? How about the average civilian? NOTHING! The truth to everything Army when you are an Army wife is that you may not WANT to do it, but you married into this life, and with that, you WILL do it. The only choice you have is HOW you will do it.
So, HOW will I survive this deployment? Going into this one, I have something on my side that I didn't have before, experience. I know the bed will be empty. I know my heart will ache daily, but most in the evenings when the house is quiet. I know I will worry to the point of making myself sick on occasion. I know that I will want to cry more then I am comfortable with. I know my kids will require extra hugs and reassurance.
I know, as others have said time and time again, that I CAN do this, because I HAVE done this.
How can something so small and softly spoken scream at you in such a loud voice? With every tick of that damn clock, heartbreak creeps a little closer.
Soon, it will be time to say goodbye again. I am just not sure I am ready for it. I feel very much like a child awaiting that dreaded shot their mom is making them get. Soothing words from loved ones all around me... "Don't worry...you can do this." Sure, I can. I get that, because frankly, what other choice do I have? Crying, pitching a fit, all of those things I WANT to do, won't do a damn bit of good. The deployment monster is still headed straight for me.
So, I do what Army wives do. I suck it up, pull myself up by the boot straps, and drive on. I put on my "brave mommy face" for my kids. I tell them the same well meaning things I hear from everyone around me. "We can do this! We did this before, we can do this again!"
It isn't that words of encouragement aren't appreciated. They provide a certain sense of "YES I CAN" to my gut, but my heart is throwing a 2 yr. old's temper tantrum at the same time. I CAN do this, but I don't WANT to do this!
Okay, so I don't want to do this. That means what to the Army? How about the average civilian? NOTHING! The truth to everything Army when you are an Army wife is that you may not WANT to do it, but you married into this life, and with that, you WILL do it. The only choice you have is HOW you will do it.
So, HOW will I survive this deployment? Going into this one, I have something on my side that I didn't have before, experience. I know the bed will be empty. I know my heart will ache daily, but most in the evenings when the house is quiet. I know I will worry to the point of making myself sick on occasion. I know that I will want to cry more then I am comfortable with. I know my kids will require extra hugs and reassurance.
I know, as others have said time and time again, that I CAN do this, because I HAVE done this.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Black Friday
Yesterday was Black Friday as I am sure we are ALL aware. The media did it's part to remind us to get out there and SPEND SPEND SPEND! To be honest though, I am not sucked into it. Sure, I went into town. I did NOT get up early though. You see, I figure if there are any sales worth hitting, they will still be happening after 10AM. I will let all of the crazy fools who want to get up before the roosters crow go ahead and get it out of their system. The last thing that rings the bells of Christmas for me are stupid, evil shoppers willing to kill to get that last Barbie, T.V., etc. This is NOT what Christmas or the holiday season is about. I have always known this, but yesterday, the true meaning of the holiday season came crashing into me.
We had gone to take a pair of boots back to the western store. I had bought them for my husband and they didn't fit. A little frustrated because not only did they not fit, but the store had NOTHING in his size, I went to wait patiently (as patiently as you can in a SMALL store with no air) in line.
Being here in "Cav Country" it is not unusual to see someone shopping for a Cavalry hat. The lady in front of me was doing just that. She had brought in a hat with a band on it as an example. She was shopping for a new hat with a new band, the same as she had in the bag. Just new... Then as they are about to place the band on the new hat, she says it. Words that stopped us all in our tracks, and any rushing you might have been doing, STOPPED.
This hat that she was shopping for, wasn't a hat to be worn. This hat, that a moment ago, was just another black stetson with a blue band, became one of the most beautiful hats to see. This hat would belong to an infantry man. An infantry man, that was killed just the day before in Iraq. This hat, wasn't for his head, but to be placed upon his casket.
All things stopped. A certain silence fell upon that tiny store. Everyone caught their breath for just that moment. No one knew what to say, or how to say what they were thinking. In that moment, for those that were there to hear her words, we were reminded that the important part of the holidays is loving those you are with.
I am sure that store makes hats for far to many soldiers that have fallen. For them, it might have been just another story. I don't think those words will ever fall softly, no matter how many times they are spoken. There is nothing more real than that moment.
Please remember this holiday season, to love those you are with. For those with loved ones deployed, hold tight to your love for them and stay strong. Holidays are about the love we have in our hearts for our family and friends.
Happy Holidays!
We had gone to take a pair of boots back to the western store. I had bought them for my husband and they didn't fit. A little frustrated because not only did they not fit, but the store had NOTHING in his size, I went to wait patiently (as patiently as you can in a SMALL store with no air) in line.
Being here in "Cav Country" it is not unusual to see someone shopping for a Cavalry hat. The lady in front of me was doing just that. She had brought in a hat with a band on it as an example. She was shopping for a new hat with a new band, the same as she had in the bag. Just new... Then as they are about to place the band on the new hat, she says it. Words that stopped us all in our tracks, and any rushing you might have been doing, STOPPED.
This hat that she was shopping for, wasn't a hat to be worn. This hat, that a moment ago, was just another black stetson with a blue band, became one of the most beautiful hats to see. This hat would belong to an infantry man. An infantry man, that was killed just the day before in Iraq. This hat, wasn't for his head, but to be placed upon his casket.
All things stopped. A certain silence fell upon that tiny store. Everyone caught their breath for just that moment. No one knew what to say, or how to say what they were thinking. In that moment, for those that were there to hear her words, we were reminded that the important part of the holidays is loving those you are with.
I am sure that store makes hats for far to many soldiers that have fallen. For them, it might have been just another story. I don't think those words will ever fall softly, no matter how many times they are spoken. There is nothing more real than that moment.
Please remember this holiday season, to love those you are with. For those with loved ones deployed, hold tight to your love for them and stay strong. Holidays are about the love we have in our hearts for our family and friends.
Happy Holidays!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
WHAT ARE THEY THINKING????
So, as most will recall, the Army has now stopped a football player from going pro, and a boxer as well. Why? Had they been allowed to go pro, that could have been the BEST recruiting net out there! These soldiers, were still going to be "active duty" in a recruiting capacity. Kids, who idolized them, could have gone and been recruited BY their idols! The Army however, thought it best to just keep them back in the ranks, and mandate them to be ordinary soldiers. Now, instead of having career soldiers, going pro, and drawing people to the Army, these guys will finish up their enlistments and bolt to be able to enjoy the life of pro players, MINUS any commitment or love for the Army that tried to hold them back...
Fast forward to what I found today. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0908/13276.html
The Army is now in a deal to sale the rights of the Big Red One patch to Sears. Why? Because they say it will put the Army out there to the masses. It will get kids wearing the Army gear and make them want to join. What? Really? Who is the marketing genius to the Army? He/She needs to be demoted! That patch is meant to be worn ONLY by those that proudly serve that unit. Want to wear it? ENLIST!
According to the article, the manufacturer of the clothing line sporting the Big Red One, will be an American based company, falling within the guidelines of all things legal, a.k.a. not a sweatshop. Great. FOR NOW! Does the Army not realize that this will require their full attention, FOREVER? You see, the Army can never get lazy about monitoring how this line of clothing will be made. If they do, and this company OUTSOURCED making an Army logo, and the nation of choice that makes it oh so much cheaper, EVER got busted for using small children in sweatshops to make the clothes, the Army would have a BIG RED FACE! You are who you take up company with. For now the company is safe, but in the drive for a dollar, all things can go wrong. We see it on the news DAILY! Does the Army REALLY think this is the way to go about recruiting? Are they REALLY prepared for the possible drawbacks? Don't they have enough responsibility on their plate with looking after soldiers, without adding being a watchdog for a possible recruiting tool gone wrong?
Want to recruit? Allow those outstanding athletes/soldiers to go pro, with an agreement to continue to serve out their enlistments as a recruiter. Contract them to wear the Army logo on the field or in the ring until their enlistment is complete! This will reach the masses via internet, television, radio, etc. These are soldiers who understand why they serve and who they are representing! The watchdog necessity is so much LOWER in this situation.
Hurry up, WAIT, and THINK, THINK, THINK!
Fast forward to what I found today. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0908/13276.html
The Army is now in a deal to sale the rights of the Big Red One patch to Sears. Why? Because they say it will put the Army out there to the masses. It will get kids wearing the Army gear and make them want to join. What? Really? Who is the marketing genius to the Army? He/She needs to be demoted! That patch is meant to be worn ONLY by those that proudly serve that unit. Want to wear it? ENLIST!
According to the article, the manufacturer of the clothing line sporting the Big Red One, will be an American based company, falling within the guidelines of all things legal, a.k.a. not a sweatshop. Great. FOR NOW! Does the Army not realize that this will require their full attention, FOREVER? You see, the Army can never get lazy about monitoring how this line of clothing will be made. If they do, and this company OUTSOURCED making an Army logo, and the nation of choice that makes it oh so much cheaper, EVER got busted for using small children in sweatshops to make the clothes, the Army would have a BIG RED FACE! You are who you take up company with. For now the company is safe, but in the drive for a dollar, all things can go wrong. We see it on the news DAILY! Does the Army REALLY think this is the way to go about recruiting? Are they REALLY prepared for the possible drawbacks? Don't they have enough responsibility on their plate with looking after soldiers, without adding being a watchdog for a possible recruiting tool gone wrong?
Want to recruit? Allow those outstanding athletes/soldiers to go pro, with an agreement to continue to serve out their enlistments as a recruiter. Contract them to wear the Army logo on the field or in the ring until their enlistment is complete! This will reach the masses via internet, television, radio, etc. These are soldiers who understand why they serve and who they are representing! The watchdog necessity is so much LOWER in this situation.
Hurry up, WAIT, and THINK, THINK, THINK!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
An important blog from the past...one to never forget
Monday, October 09, 2006
In the life of a military spouse, we learn to live with fear. We push it away to the back of our heads, we keep ourselves INSANELY busy to the point of exhaustion, because that is the ONLY way we sleep at night while our soldiers are away. In the quiet moments, we hear our thoughts... we dream of homecoming, the signs we will make, the first moment in our soldier's arms after being apart for a year, and finally taking in a whiff of their scent that ACTUALLY belongs to them and not the replacement we have made AKA his pillow with his cologne on it. Then just as we get that smile, we remember where they are. We remember the danger. We remember the blood they will see, and the dirt they will taste. We fear the changes coming, because inevitably there will be change. We just pray it is a change that can be faced by two and not a change forcing us to face it alone. This fear is overwhelming. IT grips your throat and chokes you. IT sits upon your chest waiting to suffocate you. This is the TRUE life of a military spouse. The only thing that saves us is the friendships, our families, and God. Those quiet moments of prayer, the journals we write in to keep from unloading our heavy burdens on our soldiers so far away with much more on their minds. The next time you meet a military spouse, either current or past, think of this, and thank them for their bravery and service to their soldiers. Being a military spouse may not be the hardest job in the military, but it is MUCH more than coffees, gossip groups, and shopping at the PX.
In honor of all of those spouses that have had to face their worst fears... God be with you all.
In the life of a military spouse, we learn to live with fear. We push it away to the back of our heads, we keep ourselves INSANELY busy to the point of exhaustion, because that is the ONLY way we sleep at night while our soldiers are away. In the quiet moments, we hear our thoughts... we dream of homecoming, the signs we will make, the first moment in our soldier's arms after being apart for a year, and finally taking in a whiff of their scent that ACTUALLY belongs to them and not the replacement we have made AKA his pillow with his cologne on it. Then just as we get that smile, we remember where they are. We remember the danger. We remember the blood they will see, and the dirt they will taste. We fear the changes coming, because inevitably there will be change. We just pray it is a change that can be faced by two and not a change forcing us to face it alone. This fear is overwhelming. IT grips your throat and chokes you. IT sits upon your chest waiting to suffocate you. This is the TRUE life of a military spouse. The only thing that saves us is the friendships, our families, and God. Those quiet moments of prayer, the journals we write in to keep from unloading our heavy burdens on our soldiers so far away with much more on their minds. The next time you meet a military spouse, either current or past, think of this, and thank them for their bravery and service to their soldiers. Being a military spouse may not be the hardest job in the military, but it is MUCH more than coffees, gossip groups, and shopping at the PX.
In honor of all of those spouses that have had to face their worst fears... God be with you all.
Blogs entries from the past...on Myspace
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
A Thought for Mother’s Day
So, as I sat here writing an email to my sister-in-law about how little ones absorb time fast (she is a new mom and hasn't sent out the 3 month or 6 month photos of her daughter...got a little behind..we've all been there!) I thought of each of you, the mothers I know. I thought how we must all feel about how fast time has gone by, and how bittersweet motherhood is. I shared a story with her, and I hope it helps as she raises her first child. I felt so alone in raising my son as he was my first and I had no clue how to do it. I had...correction, HAVE so many regrets. Each night as I kiss my children, I worry that how I parented today, might not have been the best way. I wonder if I will have the answers they need tomorrow.
Being a mom often means faking it. Dealing with things day to day that you honestly have no idea how to handle, all the while, hiding your fear that you are doing it wrong.
Regrets? After talking to my step-mom about my regrets, some that I feel so deeply that I still cry about, she assured me that all moms have them. Maybe not the same regrets, but regrets none the less. So, here is what I shared with my sister-in-law.
"I imagine they (regrets) are sort of like battle scars we wear. Maybe not so out there for everyone to see, but still, proudly because regrets mean you are trying your very best. That is all we can do."
To all of the mom's out there, have a happy Mother's Day. I know, you are all doing your best!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
One more thing about military spouses...
If you think that we only care about ourselves, and our own soldiers you are far from correct. Our hearts break each time a friend's soldier deploys. Our hearts break as we watch the evening news, and see the faces of strangers that share our lifestyle saying goodbye...AGAIN. Our hearts feel the grief that you see in a widow's face as she is handed that flag.
It is hard to decribe what it is, but it FEELS like each one of us, whether we know each other or not, is in fact a part of each other. A true kinship. We don't always like each other, but we feel for each other.
I want to dedicate this to friends of mine that are about to say goodbye again. I want you to know, that you have a place in my heart, and I am thinking of you and your families. I want you to know, you are not alone. I hope that through this, you find solice in knowing for every beat of your own heart for your soldier, there are lots more hearts beating and thinking of you.
Stay strong!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Here comes 2007... A YEAR LATER...
HOW THINGS CHANGE!!!
May 2008 be good to us all.
2007 just about kicked my butt, but I survived! Thank God for miracles big and small.
So as I sit here tonight, touching up my MySpace, time in 2006 is tick, tick, ticking away. Saddam was killed today... just a note for the date and time...
Most people look back on the year and see what they would change. I myself can only focus forward. In the past year, only 3 of those were "normal" months. We were a true family unit for 3 out of 12 months! Between hurricanes, earthquakes, and war, 3 months were ours. I feel like I have just walked in a daze through 2006, and 2007 doesn't look much more clear. So with that, my hope and wish for a new year would be for family unity, time together, and peaceful moments.
Happy New Year...
A Thought for Mother’s Day
So, as I sat here writing an email to my sister-in-law about how little ones absorb time fast (she is a new mom and hasn't sent out the 3 month or 6 month photos of her daughter...got a little behind..we've all been there!) I thought of each of you, the mothers I know. I thought how we must all feel about how fast time has gone by, and how bittersweet motherhood is. I shared a story with her, and I hope it helps as she raises her first child. I felt so alone in raising my son as he was my first and I had no clue how to do it. I had...correction, HAVE so many regrets. Each night as I kiss my children, I worry that how I parented today, might not have been the best way. I wonder if I will have the answers they need tomorrow.
Being a mom often means faking it. Dealing with things day to day that you honestly have no idea how to handle, all the while, hiding your fear that you are doing it wrong.
Regrets? After talking to my step-mom about my regrets, some that I feel so deeply that I still cry about, she assured me that all moms have them. Maybe not the same regrets, but regrets none the less. So, here is what I shared with my sister-in-law.
"I imagine they (regrets) are sort of like battle scars we wear. Maybe not so out there for everyone to see, but still, proudly because regrets mean you are trying your very best. That is all we can do."
To all of the mom's out there, have a happy Mother's Day. I know, you are all doing your best!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
One more thing about military spouses...
If you think that we only care about ourselves, and our own soldiers you are far from correct. Our hearts break each time a friend's soldier deploys. Our hearts break as we watch the evening news, and see the faces of strangers that share our lifestyle saying goodbye...AGAIN. Our hearts feel the grief that you see in a widow's face as she is handed that flag.
It is hard to decribe what it is, but it FEELS like each one of us, whether we know each other or not, is in fact a part of each other. A true kinship. We don't always like each other, but we feel for each other.
I want to dedicate this to friends of mine that are about to say goodbye again. I want you to know, that you have a place in my heart, and I am thinking of you and your families. I want you to know, you are not alone. I hope that through this, you find solice in knowing for every beat of your own heart for your soldier, there are lots more hearts beating and thinking of you.
Stay strong!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Here comes 2007... A YEAR LATER...
HOW THINGS CHANGE!!!
May 2008 be good to us all.
2007 just about kicked my butt, but I survived! Thank God for miracles big and small.
So as I sit here tonight, touching up my MySpace, time in 2006 is tick, tick, ticking away. Saddam was killed today... just a note for the date and time...
Most people look back on the year and see what they would change. I myself can only focus forward. In the past year, only 3 of those were "normal" months. We were a true family unit for 3 out of 12 months! Between hurricanes, earthquakes, and war, 3 months were ours. I feel like I have just walked in a daze through 2006, and 2007 doesn't look much more clear. So with that, my hope and wish for a new year would be for family unity, time together, and peaceful moments.
Happy New Year...
Thursday, September 4, 2008
"Daddy's always leaving..."
Yep, those were the first words from my 10 yr. old son this morning. Before breakfast was even made, he realized there were bags being packed. The house is full of activity as my soldier scrambles to find the items on his packing list, not at the last minute, but very near still.
With more than 10 years experience at this, it amazes me that each and every trip is packed at the last minute. You would think we would have this down to a finely tuned and oiled machine by now... I guess the scramble makes it all exciting and busy... busy enough to keep our minds off the fact that we will once again be seperated by distance and the call of duty.
A friend of mine put it best yesterday when we were talking about being back in the deployment cycle. As we discussed how we are both finding ourselves feeling at odds with it all, she said she recognized this dance. That is EXACTLY what it is like being an Army family. We do this "dance", several times a year.
You learn the steps (if you don't, you fall apart and lose it), you start to see the "dance" coming, and you do your best to try to learn a new step here and there. The new steps are the ones that make life easier and the goodbye smoother. The old steps (the FIRST ones you learn as an Army family) are the ones where you bicker a month out because you and your soldier are both pissed off that another goodbye is coming. (and pushing each other away will make it EASIER right?) The old steps cost you time that could have been spent loving each other, and reassuring each other that you have each other. They STEAL YOUR WIND!
Regardless of how you say your goodbyes you will have to say goodbye. That is this life. That is the "dance".
Now, back to my son. In our life, we have never sheltered him from knowing what daddy does. We have always talked openly about the Army and the way of life with him. At 10 he has decided that he will NEVER be in the Army because they are always leaving. They are aren't they... but I am quick to remind him that other jobs, civilian even, leave. Right now, he wants to be an oceanographer. They NEVER leave...right? This is the point I make and he is stunned a bit. He hadn't given thought to the fact that other people, other jobs, leave. Be it this life, or any other, there are no guarantees of time and togetherness. Even if you live a life of 9-5 and see your spouse on a daily basis, that drive home can be a wreck waiting to happen. The point?
LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST EVERY DAY! Don't wait for retirement. Don't wait until the next duty station, or the next homecoming. LIVE FOR TODAY! LOVE YOUR SOLDIER TODAY! Yes, they always have one foot out the door, but that is only one foot. The rest of them is there and the time you have together is short. Make the most of it.
Not just Army strong... Army Wife strong!
With more than 10 years experience at this, it amazes me that each and every trip is packed at the last minute. You would think we would have this down to a finely tuned and oiled machine by now... I guess the scramble makes it all exciting and busy... busy enough to keep our minds off the fact that we will once again be seperated by distance and the call of duty.
A friend of mine put it best yesterday when we were talking about being back in the deployment cycle. As we discussed how we are both finding ourselves feeling at odds with it all, she said she recognized this dance. That is EXACTLY what it is like being an Army family. We do this "dance", several times a year.
You learn the steps (if you don't, you fall apart and lose it), you start to see the "dance" coming, and you do your best to try to learn a new step here and there. The new steps are the ones that make life easier and the goodbye smoother. The old steps (the FIRST ones you learn as an Army family) are the ones where you bicker a month out because you and your soldier are both pissed off that another goodbye is coming. (and pushing each other away will make it EASIER right?) The old steps cost you time that could have been spent loving each other, and reassuring each other that you have each other. They STEAL YOUR WIND!
Regardless of how you say your goodbyes you will have to say goodbye. That is this life. That is the "dance".
Now, back to my son. In our life, we have never sheltered him from knowing what daddy does. We have always talked openly about the Army and the way of life with him. At 10 he has decided that he will NEVER be in the Army because they are always leaving. They are aren't they... but I am quick to remind him that other jobs, civilian even, leave. Right now, he wants to be an oceanographer. They NEVER leave...right? This is the point I make and he is stunned a bit. He hadn't given thought to the fact that other people, other jobs, leave. Be it this life, or any other, there are no guarantees of time and togetherness. Even if you live a life of 9-5 and see your spouse on a daily basis, that drive home can be a wreck waiting to happen. The point?
LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST EVERY DAY! Don't wait for retirement. Don't wait until the next duty station, or the next homecoming. LIVE FOR TODAY! LOVE YOUR SOLDIER TODAY! Yes, they always have one foot out the door, but that is only one foot. The rest of them is there and the time you have together is short. Make the most of it.
Not just Army strong... Army Wife strong!
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