Today as I visited my favorite military spouse support site (http://www.militaryspousesupport.net/boards/), I came across a posting of a spouse asking why she was so angry. She was asking for support because every time her soldier calls home, she hangs up feeling upset and regretful that he had even called.

Immediately she began getting the support she was looking for. Spouses rallied around her posting, assuring her it was perfectly normal. So, why is it, we all feel so guilty for those thoughts?

There are books out there that will free you of guilt from everything you might regret, but not thoughts such as hers (ours). To some it would seem cold and wrong to think that it might be better if the soldier just didn't call home. While they have a right to their own opinion, truth of the matter is, this is a much deeper issue than the soldier and that phone call home. She truly isn't saying she doesn't want to hear from him.

My response to her post was about resentment. As I have gotten older, in our Army life, I have come to realize that my feelings about things are deeper than surface. In the beginning, I would have felt guilty for these thoughts as well. Who am I kidding? I did. I would have thought I was wishing I didn't have to talk to my soldier. However, that is not what is being said here. In truth, the feeling of anger that comes after only being allowed to talk to your soldier for 30 minutes while they are deployed 4000 miles away for a year, is not anger AT the soldier. It is just easy to apply it to them because they are tangible.

I have discovered, that my anger is actually hurt. Hurt that is fed by the resentment of time; time that is passing. Time that we will never get back. As Army spouses, we spend the better part of 24 hours a day without hearing from our soldiers. Not for just one day. We do this for 365 days a year, sometimes more. Imagine trying to share your life with someone in 30 minutes of time. Think of what it might be like to try to connect with someone emotionally in that window. Now, think of trying to keep a living, vital marriage alive with that small fragment of time. Even the strongest marriages are tested.

The key is always to look deeper at your feelings. Chances are you will find that your hurt and anger are aimed at the wrong subject. Once you can see the picture clearly, it will help you to overcome those feelings and see past the guilt.

When it gets to be too bad, it also helps to remember that military spouses before us, had a much harder time. Internet and 30 minute phone calls home would have been like winning the lottery for them.

Through the knowledge of their strength, we can be fortified.