Soon, some of the ladies/my sisters, that I have shared past deployments with will say goodbye AGAIN to their soldiers. Although I will not be in their shoes this time, my heart is breaking for each of them. We all know too well the pain that comes with goodbye first hand.
That being said, I wanted to take a moment and write about one of the most asked questions Army spouses get. (I can't speak for other services, but I would guess they get it too.) "How do you not think about what COULD happen?"
This is such a common question, and is usually asked in a laid back tone of voice with a hint of internal panic by the one asking it. Those that DARE ask this question cannot fathom the thought of going a year without seeing their loved one; let alone doing so knowing that a chaplain might be the next uniform they see.
The true reaction to this question from an Army spouse's point of view is initially "OUCH! How DARE you ask this question!" We work very hard to never speak such things aloud. It seems to be in line with most superstitions. If said aloud it gives the "deployment monster" more teeth.
That said, I would like to take a chance and try to answer this question honestly.
We stay busy. Seems so easy for such a deep question does it not? It really is just that. There is no choice. If you allow yourself time to think about the war, those dark shadow thoughts creep in. Staying busy, with work, kids, hobbies, friends, etc. is about the only way to TRULY survive without giving thought to "what might happen."
Now that I have answered it so nonchalantly let me share with you what the internal struggle to keep the dark thoughts away is really like. Imagine being strapped to a chair, covered in honey, seeing the ants marching towards you. There is nothing you can do but wait. Wait to be bitten or wait for help to come wash away the ants and the honey. You wait. You wait for your release. You accept your circumstance. You busy your mind with the wind, the birds, the sunshine on your face. You focus on the good things around you because panic gets you no where fast. You breathe.
Being an Army spouse takes the heart of a lion and the spirit of an angel. My friends that have soldiers leaving have proven their strength time and time again. I am certain this time will be no different. They are some of the strongest souls I have met, and as their hearts break I pray they know I am thinking of them. I am here for them. I admire them. Godspeed this deployment.
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