Yesterday was my husband's 37th birthday. I have been his wife for nearly 12 years now. I have known and loved this man since he was 25. (WHERE HAS TIME GONE?) We have spent moments together that nothing I could ever imagine could take the place of. Just simple moments, that to others might seem small and silly. To me, those matter so much more than the bigger moments people strive to have. The ones they make movies about.
Our movie would start out as a cliche, with a heated kiss on a back road. One that I wasn't expecting, but would never trade. People often think that life changing moment will happen in a place that is planned and perfect. Often more times than not, girls dream that moment occurs at the alter as they wed. I never had that dream, but I never knew what anyone meant when they said "you will know" either.
That statement seems so vague. You will know what? How will you know, and what am I supposed to know? Let's not forget that my parents didn't seem to actually know the very thing that I was eventually going to know. Talk about CONFUSING!
I don't recall the date, I do recall it was night, and it was summer. I remember being lifted onto the hood of the truck, and I remember the moment he leaned in and kissed me. I had NEVER felt that feeling. I had my fair share of kisses before, but no one made everything stand still like his kiss did.
From that one simple moment, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Every moment of my day was spent thinking about him. As soon as I could find free time, I just wanted to be with him. It didn't matter if he was mowing a yard, changing oil in his truck, whatever. Just so long as I could be close enough to feel his presence. (This is what I was going to know.)
That is what I miss when he is deployed more than anything. I miss just knowing he is here. I miss walking into a room, and being able to tell he was just in there. I miss how the bathroom smells of his body wash fresh after his shower. I miss having him sitting on the couch next to me as we suffer through another one of my terrible picks in rentals. (In all fairness, we have suffered through PLENTY of his poor picks as well.)
Those little moments are what I hate to say goodbye too. As I hear the footsteps of this deployment marching ever so close, I dread missing out on those moments most.
To people outside this lifestyle, they think it is all about just missing a year with someone you love. Granted that is not an easy thing to do, but it is so much deeper than that.
We all live one life. We all have so much time in our lifetime. I can't help but resent losing valuable time meant to be spent together, by spending it apart. I can't help but think about all of those small moments we won't have because of distance and war.
I love my husband. I am so very proud of my husband and his dedication to not only our family, but to our country. A soldier is who he is, and always has been. I would never and have never asked him for anything less.
If I were to ask for anything, I would just ask for time to be added on to our lives, so that all of the moments we have missed and will miss due to separation, can be lived and shared in the end.
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